Dear Belle,
The other day, I found myself trying to explain a feeling I hadn’t even figured out. It started as one of those heavy evenings where everything inside you feels blurry, like your emotions are speaking in a language you haven’t learned yet. So, I reached out to someone, thinking maybe being listened to would help me breathe better. Sometimes it does. Sometimes just being heard feels like someone opening a window for you.
But this time… it didn’t.
I was talking. She was listening. And somehow, we weren’t meeting anywhere in the middle. She didn’t understand me, and what surprised me most was realizing that I didn’t understand me either. There were moments where I paused because the next sentence didn’t exist yet. Feelings that sat quietly in my chest with no words attached. Thoughts I could feel… but not explain.
And in that strange space, the gap between what I felt and what I could articulate, I suddenly understood something about myself: you can’t expect anyone to fully understand the parts of you you’re still trying to name.
It wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t mine. It was just one of those deeply human moments where two hearts try to meet and miss each other by a breath.
But even in the miss, something shifted in me. I realized I wanted more. Not more attention or more reassurance. But more clarity. More truth. More of myself, the parts I’ve ignored, avoided, or outgrown.
I want to understand the girl I’ve been, the woman I’m becoming, and the language my heart speaks when I’m not paying attention. I want to know what I want, really want, not what I’ve been trained to settle for. I want to meet myself honestly, even if the first introduction is uncomfortable.
And I think that’s what wanting to be understood is really about. Not just wishing for someone who gets you… but slowly learning to get yourself too.
So here I am, trying. Trying to understand myself loudly. Trying to choose myself bravely. Trying to want more without apologizing for it.
And maybe that’s the beginning of everything.
With love,
Belle.
AUTHOR BIO
Christabel Amazuilo is the creator of Dear Belle, a Substack letter series that serves as a home for women carrying invisible things. Her writing explores womanhood, emotional honesty, and the quiet landscapes of resilience and self-discovery. She believes in the power of saying “me too,” and continues learning to understand herself more loudly, one letter at a time.
