For many feminists, our ideology isn’t abstract theory, it’s a lived practice that shapes how we move through the world. It influences the choices we make, the conversations we engage in, and the relationships we build. Our understanding of consent, equity, power dynamics, and respect doesn’t switch on and off; it guides how we show up in every space, including our friendships. Feminism isn’t something we step into occasionally, it’s a framework that lives with us and informs how we relate to others.
Recent public conversations surrounding Ezra Olubi’s case, read here, have raised broader questions about how personal relationships intersect with strongly held feminist values. This case isn’t just about one person–it’s a mirror. These situations force a more persona on how we navigate friendships when someone close to us is revealed to have a past or actions that conflict with our principles.
This tension is not unique to feminism, but feminist ideology asks us to confront it more deliberately. It challenges us to examine where loyalty, accountability, and integrity meet. How do we remain committed to our values while holding space for complex human relationships? What does responsibility look like when the conflict is no longer theoretical, but personal? These moments require nuance rather than performative certainty. They ask for honesty, clear boundaries, and a willingness to sit with discomfort. Feminism, when lived and not just declared, shapes not only how we challenge systems, but also how we navigate relationships, especially when those relationships test the very values we claim to stand by.
Take the Ezra Olubi case. When his old tweets resurfaced—sexually explicit comments about coworkers, minors, and animals—feminists on Twitter confronted an uncomfortable reality: one of our most outspoken voices was his best friend. The question became devastatingly personal: how do you navigate feminism when your best friend’s past contradicts everything you stand for?
Let’s be honest, nothing shakes feminist Twitter quite like the moment we realise the call is coming from inside the house. It’s one thing to drag misogyny when it shows up wearing a podcast mic or a burner account, and another thing when the person with the questionable past isn’t a stranger, it’s someone’s best friend, your mutual, your fave’s fave. Suddenly, the timeline goes quiet. The group chats get awkward. And feminism becomes a test.
Here’s the truth no one likes to admit: it’s easy to be principled when your principles never cost you anything.
When Feminism isn’t a Slogan and starts Being a Practice
As feminism demands, these contradictions are to be interrogated with nuance. There’s a need for honesty, clear boundaries, and a willingness to sit with the discomfort that comes with firm practice of feminism. Feminism, when lived and not just declared, shapes not only how we challenge systems, but also how we navigate relationships, especially when those relationships test the very values we claim to stand by.
It forces difficult questions:
- How do you hold a friend accountable without performing accountability for an audience?
- How do you stay rooted in your values when the conflict is sitting across from you, not trending on your timeline?
- How do we avoid abandoning our principles in the name of loyalty, while still recognising the complexity of human relationships?
These moments ask us to live our feminism, not just signal it.
Personal Test of Feminist Integrity
And honestly? It’s a tough pill to swallow, because if we cannot uphold our principles when the stakes touch our own circles, then our feminism becomes a performance, not practice.
Call for Courage, Not Convenience
This moment if anything is a reminder that feminism is not only about confronting systems, but also more about confronting the contradictions within us and our social circles. And just maybe the real measure of our values is this:
Can we stay committed to the truth even when it’s inconvenient, uncomfortable, or close to home?
That’s feminism that matters.
The kind that costs something.
The kind that transforms us.
Authors Bio
Oratile Mokgatle is a multifaceted creative—a Wardrobe stylist, Fashion Journalist, and Graphic Designer shaping narratives that centre women, culture, and clarity. She brings fashion, strategy, and communication together to build meaningful visual stories and digital experiences that move people.
